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RED CARPET Through a series of misadventures, we managed to miss the cutoff for our early morning flight to Hawaii. I'm suppressing the notion that Pele is reaching out across the Pacific with a message. One can only hope that she's merely toying with us. We're currently camping out in United's Red Carpet Club, whose walls we've breached by bartering air miles. My previous experience within the hallowed halls of airline clubs has been limited to that of Singapore Airlines a couple of months ago. While two visits isn't a large enough sample to be 100% certain, I've drawn the following scientific conclusion: Mature, white male business travelers prefer dainty food. My proof? The "free" food available is roughly 40 - 60% smaller than "normal" food. My morning bagel was downright petite. Actually, calling the bread donut a bagel is doing a great disservice to bagels everywhere -- especially Montreal Bagels. They would weep at the site of these meager leavened circles. I think they may soon suss out that granting us admittance was mistake. Derek has disfigured Owen Wilson's brilliant smile on the cover of the complementary copy of People. I'm hoarding Star and In Touch to ensure that TomKat and Brangelina don't suffer the same indignity. Onward! 11/10/2007
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