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AIRPORT MELTDOWN I've done a fair amount of traveling this year (I fear that my carbon footprint might be that of Godzilla's). While I'm mostly a good traveler, each trip typically has a brief moment of meltdown where I want to click my heels three times and find myself back in the foggy bosom of Cole Valley. 
During my Asian adventure, that moment came in the beautiful Kuala Lumpur International Airport while we were waiting to board our flight to Hong Kong. The tipping point came with a thoroughly disinterested team of Cathay Pacific desk agents couldn't give a rat's ass that my vegetarian meal had gone AWOL.Now granted, I do eat meat* so it wasn't the end of the world, but a week and a half of travel 15 - 16 hours in the future had me a little thin skinned. We had a few minutes and I decided to go forage for something that might serve in case the in-flight meal turned out the be something horrific like a fish replete with head and tail. My first attempt resulted in No. 1 Cheese. The second attempt was quickly curtailed upon discovering that I'd left my cash back at the gate, though I'd stuck a credit card in my back pocket. This lack of cash impeded the third and fourth attempts of purchasing non-meaty food. What do you do when faced by a seeming tsunami of failure? Cry. It's the patented Champ release valve for frustration overload. It wasn't a full on snotty monsoon, just a thin wuffly sniffing thing. Through my pathetic veil of sorrow, it happened. You know those moments when you catch something out of the corner of your eye that doesn't quite seem real? I watched a man push a luggage cart past the elevator to the escalator without a moment's hesitation. The cacophony of all suitcases and bags tumbling downward was amazing. I couldn't see a thing, but boy could I hear it. With the minutes ticking down to my plane's departure rubbernecking was out of the question. It's a shame really, because the unfortunate gentleman had stunt tested something that I've always been curious about. I found some food, made it back to gate and boarded my flight, though I continued to wonder about the traveler who chose somewhat unwisely. Given that I didn't see the damage, it's likely that one day when I'm jet lagged and half asleep on my feet, I'll perform the same maneuver. If I get low marks for technical merit, I'll keep my finger's crossed for excellence in artistic interpretation. * There are all sorts of caveats around meat. I don't eat chicken, bunnies or lambs and while I eat beef infrequently, bacon is considered a vegetable chez moi. It's more about control and that I hate surprises. 11/ 4/2007
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